So you’re marrying into the military. Now what? You’re probably wondering, what do I do after marrying a military member?
Whether you’ve just said, ‘I do’ at your dream wedding ceremony or spent an afternoon at the courthouse, there are 5 actions military spouses need to take before even THINKING about a honeymoon.
First, marrying into the military is a tremendous honor. Not only has this person dedicated a portion of their life to serve their country, but they have found someone they love enough to bring them on this incredible journey, and that is truly special.
When I was marrying into the military in 2023, my husband had already served 15 years in the USAF. Around our 3rd or 4th date, I asked, “How have you been single all this time?” In my mind, there had to be a catch. But he looked up from our green chile queso appetizer (he was stationed at Kirtland AFB in Albuquerque at the time, IYKYK), and plainly said, “I’ve lived and deployed all over the world and hadn’t met anyone that I wanted to bring on this crazy journey with me.”
Spouses, it is a huge honor to be included on this crazy journey that you’ve agreed to be a part of. It’s also an immense sacrifice. Rule #1, marrying into the military isn’t easy.
Understanding your initial priorities will be a huge relief. Marrying into the military does not come with an instruction manual!
#1 Change Your Name When Marrying into the Military (If you plan on changing your name)
If you plan on taking your spouse’s last name, change your name before proceeding onto the next steps. If you won’t be changing your name, skip step 1! Otherwise this will streamline processes and ensure you won’t have to repeat any steps down the line. How do you go about the name change process? This is the same for anyone, whether marrying into the military or not. Take a trip to your local Social Security Administration Office – depending on your location, you may be able to make an appointment and not waste hours sitting in the lobby. Bring:
- Certified Copy of Marriage Certificate
- Current Social Security Card
- Birth Certificate or Passport
- Photo ID (Driver’s License, Passport)
- Proof of Address (an energy bill, rent or mortgage statement, etc.)
Your new card will be mailed to you 1-2 weeks after this process. In some locations, you may be able to do this process online, so be sure to check with your local Social Security Administration.
Next, you will need a Driver’s License or State ID. This is obtained at one of your local Department of Motor Vehicle locations, and again, you can make an appointment at most locations for a ‘name change.’ Be sure to do this within thirty days of your name change! Bring:
- Certified copy of your Marriage License
- New Social Security Card with married last name
- Smile! You will be taking a new photo for your current license.
For more on all the documents you should change your name on, The Knot has great resources! For our sake, you only need to have your name changed on a new Social Security card and Driver’s License/State ID, in order to complete our military spouse checklist.
#2 Enroll in DEERS After Marrying into the Military
Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System or DEERS is the system that enrolls you in the military’s healthcare provider, Tricare. However, your sponsor (spouse that is serving) will have to do this for you. They will have to:
- Schedule an appointment with the RAPIDS ID Card Office here: https://idco.dmdc.osd.mil/idco/locator
At your RAPIDS ID Appointment, bring:
- Complete a DD Form 1172-2 and bring this to your appointment
- Certified copy of Marriage License
- Social Security Card (your new updated one with current last name)
- Updated Driver’s License or State ID
- For a full list of acceptable ID documents, see here.
- A smile! You will be taking a photo for your Military ID.
Your Military ID will expire when your spouse’s ID expires – regardless of when yours is obtained. Your Military ID is, in many ways, your lifeline. You will need this to access military bases, posts, camps, etc., to attend any medical appointments, and also to receive any military discounts!
#3 Visit the Military Family Support Center
When marrying into the military, no matter which branch of service your spouse serves in, all branches have a military family support center. You can look up the address to your installation’s family support center by typing in the name of your installation followed by your branch’s naming convention for the family support center.
- Air Force (bases) – Military Family Readiness Center (MFRC)
- Army (forts, posts) – Army Community Services
- Marine Corps Family Services (camps, depots, stations, bases)
- Navy – Fleet and Family Support (naval bases, naval stations, naval air stations, naval depots)
Why physically visit your installation’s Military Family Support Center?
Because this will open up the doors to so many opportunities as a military spouse. Introduce yourself to the front desk attendant and say you’re new to the installation and a new military spouse. They will kindly give you a calendar of events for the month and a list of suggested events to attend as a newbie. They offer employment support, financial readiness, support for family members with special needs, and so much more. Speaking of thriving, below are some of the events I attended as a new military spouse this year at Joint Base San Antonio (JBSA), hosted by the MFRC.
- Five & Thrive – focuses on five factors that matter most to military families including, spouse employment, housing, healthcare, housing, education, and childcare. They offer this virtually as well!
- Newcomer’s Orientation – this is where I met one of my best friends! Essentially, the event is a 3-4 hour orientation, covering everything you’d need to know about your base/post/station. We even heard from the JBSA commander! There may be childcare available, too.
Guided Bus Tours – If they have this available, take it! You’ll learn some history about your installation and gain some confidence when driving to the Commissary next time.
#4 Get on Facebook
If you’ve deactivated Facebook, you’re going to want to hop back on for the sake of marrying into the military. There are some pages you MUST follow and many accounts haven’t taken to other platforms yet (as you’ll learn, technology in the military moves a bit slow).
Follow:
- Your Installation’s Military Family Support Center (Remember this has a different naming convention, see number 3) – they’ll post their calendar of events and reminders of upcoming events you’ll want to take part of. They will be your go-to for getting started at your new installation!
- Your Installation’s Spouse Group – this will answer SO many of your questions. Search on Facebook, ‘Installation Spouse Group.’ You will have to answer a few questions about your spouse’s career, when you arrived, etc. The admin. will accept you, and then you have access to the spouse groups’ posts and ENTIRE history of posts. The best way to utilize this is to search within the group on a topic you have a question about. This can range from ‘hair salon’ to ‘hospital appointment’ and you will likely find advice from other spouses who have been there, done that.
- The USO or United Service Organization – began in 1941 and has supported military families and members ever since. There is so much more to say about the USO, but we’ll save all that for another day. For today’s purpose, the USO has over 250 locations across the world and you are welcome to stop by anytime. You can literally just eat a snack, entertain your child in their library, and relax with other military families. Or, take advantage of their amazing events. If there isn’t a USO near you, still give them a follow, lots of virtual opportunities.
#5 Engage with the Unit’s Spouse’s Group
Yes this starts with joining another Facebook Group, but you’ll want to engage with these spouses right away. Their spouses work directly with yours and will understand your needs better than anyone. Plus they’ll do so many events throughout the year that you won’t want to miss out. Not all unit’s (squadrons, battalions) have spouse groups unfortunately! My first location had one and I wish I had been more involved. But the time I spent at Paint & Wine nights, holiday parties, and picnics was so worth it. I ended up meeting another lifelong friend through this group.
Unit Spouse groups are run by ‘key spouses.’ Key spouses have a VERY important role that comes with additional training, and is entirely voluntary. They are part of the commander’s support team and serve as communicators between leadership and military members and their families. Key spouses are your advocates and resources for anything you and your loved ones need, ranging from deployment care packages, to welcoming new babies in the squadron or battalion.
If your spouse’s unit doesn’t have a spouse group, there are likely larger spouse groups that meet and don’t have limitations as to who joins. Give it a google! Or better yet, ask in the larger Installation Spouse Facebook Page if there are formal spouse groups on your installation.
Marriage is a beautiful, life-changing event, but it’s even more special and complicated when you’re marrying into the military. I am here to help break down the processes and point you in the right direction, providing the advice I wish someone had given me after marriage. As your journey continues or your family begins to grow, Married to the Military is here for you!
There is so much more to dive into, but let this be your starting point as a new military spouse.
