New Year’s resolutions are tough. I like to make them, and half-heartedly follow through, most of the time. To be honest, my resolution for the last three years has been to bring reusable bags to the grocery store. And I’m batting about 50% with that one, still. However, I am making a resolution this year that I know will make a difference in my life. At 36 weeks pregnant, I know that this year is going to be filled with A LOT of emotions. Taking care of my mental health is going to be more important now than ever. And mental health for military spouses cannot be overstated. It’s important and we do have options when it comes to our mental health care.
Mental Health Journey
My own personal mental health journey began well before becoming a military spouse. I view my own mental health as a reflection of my life. When multiple things start going wrong in my life, I feel this need to understand why, and It starts with understanding me. But other times, just the routine of daily life and burnout of work and family troubles takes its toll. For me, it started with a series of unfortunate issues that came crashing down all at the same time. And I began to ask myself, ‘why?’
This began in 2021, when over a two month period, I had a series of life-altering incidents. I had a falling out with a close family member. Followed by a breakup with a boyfriend from a 6 year relationship. Which then resulted in losing the home we had bought together. To top it off, we had to put down our 9 year old dog as well. It was a lot to handle. I realized if I was going to make it out, I needed support. I needed to stop imagining the worst for myself and find help to start the journey forward.
This is when I found *Caroline. Caroline was my therapist that I saw virtually. Our conversations unlocked emotions I had not dealt with since childhood. And made me realize that even when we’re succeeding, past traumas exist in the background and influence the decisions we make in the present. By talking about the traumas and issues, I was able to make sense of my decision-making patterns, and step out of it. It made me see clearly who I wanted to be, and what I had to do to be that person.
The Result
It changed everything. And with a lot of help from friends and family, I was able to come out of these hardships on top. I purchased a condo, thrived at work, met the love of my life (now husband!), and worked on forgiving myself and others. But it wasn’t without work. Caroline gave me tools that required daily reflection, some written work, practical conversations, and asking myself the hard questions. These actions took dedicated time, and effort, but with her help, I was able to work through my problems, rather than remain stuck, or bulldoze through them and continue to make the same old decisions.
Mental Health as a Military Spouse
I had stopped seeing Caroline after a year. And until my first military move in 2024, I hadn’t sought out mental health support since 2021. After our move last year, I began facing an identity crisis. I was happily married and newly expecting our first baby. But, once an over-achieving, workaholic, I found myself in a weird transition, lost. I had just moved to a new state, and I was applying for jobs I didn’t want, while waiting for the role of a lifetime I knew nothing about. Motherhood.
Between the nausea, loneliness, and exhaustion, I was applying for jobs similar to my previous roles as a non-profit director. I even received a few offers for those jobs. But I felt sick to my stomach when looking over the offer letters. Ultimately, I declined them all – yet continued applying!? I didn’t know what my new identity was, or even who I wanted it to be?
This is when I sought out an MFLC or Military Family Life Counselor. I had attended the Arrive & Thrive event (see more on newcomer’s events and their importance!). And recalled a woman who presented on the role of an MFLC and how they can help you – for free. Not only that, it is entirely confidential.
Within a day of calling, I was able to see *Anna, an MFLC at my base. She let me share it all – my confusion, my pregnancy-related issues, and my feelings of lacking purpose. Her office was cozy. I sank in her luscious couch and felt secure, and completely validated at each session. She helped me find direction and realize my purpose, all while understanding my experience because she too, was a military spouse. MFLCs understand mental health for military spouses, and can uniquely help us with our specific challenges.
Mental Health for Military Spouses – Resources
The more spouse events I have attended, the more resources I’ve learned about. The below resources were shared with me by various entities at my installation, JBSA. However, the resources are available for spouses no matter where they are stationed. The following mental health resources are for military spouses, often their family and their service members, too in most cases.
The List
1.Military Family Life Counselors – As shared above, the MFLCs are located at most military installations. They provide a variety of services for:
- Child and Youth Behavioral Counselors – They can support children of military families through school, a development center, pediatric HealthySteps, youth center, or just general visits at your local installation.
- Adult Military and Family Life Counselors – There are embedded MFLCs assigned to specific military units. Or, general counselors, like who I saw, available at the installation to any servicemember or their spouse.
2. Military OneSource – These counselors are private as well, meaning your spouse could receive services without affecting their career (aside from illegal matters). All OneSource counselors have Master’s Degrees in a related field, and can be seen at your convenience. Meaning in person, over the phone, by chat messaging, or through secure video messaging. The best part? They are available 24/7.
3. Tricare Telemental Health Services – Tricare Telemental Health offers virtual mental health care from your home. These are available for any Tricare beneficiary, and can address concerns such as: life stressors, emotional distress, grief-related counseling, work/family issues, and depression/anxiety and how to cope. Since it is Tricare provided, you will need a referral, unless you are a Tricare Prime member. No referral is needed to set up an appointment.
4. Give an Hour – Give an Hour has serviced military, veteran, and caregivers since 2005. They support military-connected members, including spouses, children, loved ones, family, and partners as well. They provide mental health care for people in all 50 states, insured and uninsured. Give an Hour has an array of support for individual counseling, tools and resources, customized training, and peer led support groups.
Local to TX, and Beyond
5. The Stephen A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at Family Endeavors, Inc. – Family Endeavors supports all Veterans (with a focus on post 9/11 Veterans) and their family members. Their services include counseling for individuals, groups, couples, children, and families. They offer additional services too, such as medication management and life skills & wellness groups. While headquarters is in San Antonio, TX, they have opened additional clinics in Texas, and are part of the greater Cohen Veterans Network who operate 19 mental health clinics across the US. In-Person and virtual options are available. A signed release of client information is required for the Military Family Clinic to release confidential information to a referral source or provider.
Emergency Situations for Spouses and Others
6. When in Crisis – Dial Lifeline at 988 – If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, dial 988 to access the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also text the lifeline if preferred. With over 200 crisis centers answering, support will be given to callers/texters 24/7, regardless of holidays. There are now features to customize support quickly. Those seeking support can share if they are a veteran, need support in another language, or are a member of the LGBTQI+ community. While this is not specific to military spouses, lifeline is equipped to support ANYONE facing a mental health crisis. It is significant to know that you can even call for someone else facing a crisis, including your service member spouse. To understand how the call, chat, or texting features work, view their visual graphic.
The Bottom Line
It is so easy for military spouses to fall into a routine where we neglect our mental health. Whether it’s neglecting time for ourselves, time with our spouses, or burnout from the constant PCS’s, and other move-related stressors, often we are the backbone of our families. And combined with work, taking care of children, finances, lack of friends/community, or the constant change, it can feel like too much. What’s important is that we recognize that we are not alone. There is no manual on how to be a military spouse, we do the best that we can, and while our actions are superhero status, we may forget how important we are. Taking care of ourselves is number one. Otherwise, how could we care for anyone else?
Whether you are considering making your mental health a priority as part of a New Year’s resolution, or just want some resources in your back pocket, mental health for military spouses is crucial. We make sacrifices that many others cannot understand, and prioritizing your mental health is incredibly serious.
*name(s) changed
